Category Archives: Events and Workshops

What I learned at the couples retreat – 7 key takeaways from “Sharing the Path” with Judith Ansara and Robert Gass at Hollyhock retreat centre

What I learned at the couples retreatThis summer I was hired to assist at the Sharing the Path couples retreat designed and facilitated by Robert Gass and Judith Ansara at Hollyhock centre on Cortes Island. I hadn’t met Judith and Robert before the retreat, though I knew of them by their solid reputation. I showed up ready to be of service, and was happy to discover that my skills and expertise fit like a glove. It was great to be part of such a talented and attuned teaching team, and to support and witness all the courageous participants as they navigated their particular relationship terrains.

Over the five-day intensive there were many reminders and much learning. I thought I would share 7 key takeaways here with you –

1. Simple is good

It’s easy to get lost down the rabbit hole of complicated relationship theories. Models and maps like attachment theory, Imago therapy, family systems, personality typing etc can all be interesting, illuminating, and valuable, but I was reminded it’s possible to go plenty deep with basic ideas and simple practices.

Speaking from the heart, telling the truth, taking responsibility, listening deeply… these are understandable ideas and doable practices for most people; simple, yet infinitely challenging and infinitely rewarding.

2. Sex matters

Almost every participant at the retreat included sex in their list of troubles. I’ve found this to be true for the couples in my couples counselling practice as well. And yet the presenters at the retreat confessed that it was not until they had been doing couples workshops for some years that they began including sexual dynamics in the curriculum. I appreciated their willingness to address sexuality head-on. Too often sex slips through the cracks in this sort of relationship work.

I believe there are two main reasons that sex routinely gets excluded or marginalized in much conventional marriage counselling and couples therapy:

First, there’s a cultural prejudice against addressing and valuing sex on its own merits. The assumption – partly a moralistic holdover from puritanism ideals I believe – is that if “the relationship” is good, then the sex should automatically follow. It should be obvious by now that this is often not the case.

Second, sex is a difficult topic fraught with unconsciousness and shadow, complicated meanings, tender feelings, trauma, taboo, frustration. It’s a dangerous and awkward box to open. Even skilled professional facilitators and therapists can feel uncomfortable speaking explicitly about sex.

3. Relationship trouble is universal

Many people are not in the habit of sharing their relationship troubles and pain with anyone outside their own relationship, at least not in any constructive way. The result is that we tend to internalize an erroneous idea that our relationship problems are completely unique to us. This creates feelings of isolation and even defectiveness. The false fronts presented through social media exacerbates feelings of incongruence; shiny happy personas on the outside, tenderness, hurt, and desperation on the inside.

At this retreat carefully designed exercises allowed participants to switch off and provide coaching support for one another, always in ways that honoured safety and privacy. After these exercises, individuals and couples sometimes chose to share their insights and gleanings with the group; of course this was always optional.

4. The work is never finished

Relationship work comes with built-in traps, especially the assumption that we will somehow master this thing called relationship and one day be free from the difficulties it causes. What actually happens is that as we become more skillful we can’t help but raise the bar, and so we are continually called to navigate new and more sophisticated challenges.

Robert and Judith modelled this wonderfully by weaving in stories of their own significant trials and tribulations over their fifty years of relationship together, including sharing one challenge that arose between them in “real-time” during the course of the retreat.

5. A sense of humour helps

Relationships by nature have a bittersweet element. This bittersweetness is beautifully expressed through humour (etymologically related to humility) and laughing at and with ourselves. Judith and Robert exemplified this throughout. (Note – Humour can also be unconsciously used to escape uncomfortable but necessary tension. This is a self-defeating strategy to watch for.)

6. Move your body

It’s easy for many of us to get stuck in our head trying to figure things out. The presenters wisely had us getting up and moving, often through dance, at regular intervals. The change in energy and perspective this created was palpable.

7. It’s called practice for a reason

Finally, if we want to get better at relationship, including sex, we need to practice. There’s always that moment when it dawns on a person that their life is completely full and that they have no time to add “relationship practice” to the mix. Something will have to give.

If you want to play the violin or become a good skier it’s not nearly enough to gather information; you must practice. Relationships are no different in this regard. Learn tools (there are many – see my book The Re-connection Handbook for Couples), then practice them, preferably daily. Learning tools without practicing them is maybe worse than useless because it amplifies disappointment. One way or another, you will have to make room in your life for doing relationship practices.

Relationship practice tips: Practice implies imperfection – give yourself and your partner permission to fail. Be curious and non-attached to practice outcomes. Practice in low-stakes situations; don’t wait until your biggest triggers are activated before you pull out your relationship toolbox! Get help if you need it, even if just to get started.

To learn more about Judith and Robert’s work visit www.sacredunion.com.

 

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8-week Relationship Intensive - Justice Schanfarber

Campbell River Marriage Counselling Justice Schanfarber Trying to grow, fix, change, understand or save your marriage? I provide couples therapy, marriage counselling, coaching and mentoring to individuals and couples on the issues that make or break relationships – Sessions by telephone/skype worldwide. Email justice@justiceschanfarber.com to request a client info package. www.JusticeSchanfarber.com

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Couples Retreat at Hollyhock centre with Robert Gass and Judith Ansara – I’ll be assisting

Hollyhock centre couples’ retreat: “Sharing the Path” with Robert Gass and Judith Ansara

Robert Gass Judith Ansara Hollyhock

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Update – Read my 7 key takeaways from the couples retreat – Click here.]

I’m very pleased to announce that I’ll be assisting at this year’s couples’ retreat led by Judith Ansara and Robert Gass at Hollyhock centre on Cortes Island, August 4-9, 2017.

I feel honoured that Judith and Robert have invited me to join the team for the 5-day retreat. I’m very much looking forward to working with the participants, and I’m excited for the opportunity to learn from these two highly respected and experienced teachers. The venue is also inspiring… Hollyhock centre is fabulous!

Robert and Judith have been leading relationship retreats at Hollyhock for sixteen years, and everyone I talk to who has experienced their work has great things to say.

From the program description on the Hollyhock website –

Rekindle and deepen your experience of love and connection. Join the thousands of couples who have attended our couples’ retreat and found their relationships infused with renewed passion, skillful communication, mutual respect, deeper friendship, and greater joy and pleasure.

For those who already share a good and loving connection, this retreat is an opportunity for further enrichment and discovering new levels of intimacy. For those who are feeling challenged in partnership, Sharing the Path offers healing ways to rekindle and strengthen your connection and love.

Most couples report that this retreat has been life-changing. In a respectful and safe way, you will be both challenged and supported to break out of old unskilled habits and be guided in the practices of conscious relationship—authenticity, self-responsibility, empathy, appropriate boundaries, sacred sexuality, deep listening and effective problem solving. You will practice with the content that is most relevant to you and your partnership, thus tailoring the retreat to meet your specific needs. Our time together is also infused with play and fun–something many couples report wanting more of. You will go home with important skills and tools to continue creating a life you love.

All couples welcome.

I hope that some of the wonderful couples I’ve worked with over the years feel called to join us.

The dates are August 4-9, 2017. Space is limited and these retreats do typically sell out. Register early to reserve your place.

Hollyhock retreat centre Cortes IslandTo learn more or to register visit the Hollyhock website – Click here.
Or call Hollyhock at 1-800-933-6339.

Please direct all registration and logistical inquiries to Hollyhock centre directly.

 

[Update – Read my 7 key takeaways from the couples retreat – Click here.]

 

Like what you’re reading here?
You’ll love my new book.
Read the first 10 pages free.

The Re-connection handbook for couples - by Justice Schanfarber - web box2

8-week Relationship Intensive - Justice Schanfarber

Campbell River Marriage Counselling Justice Schanfarber Trying to grow, fix, change, understand or save your marriage? I provide couples therapy, marriage counselling, coaching and mentoring to individuals and couples on the issues that make or break relationships – Sessions by telephone/skype worldwide. Email justice@justiceschanfarber.com to request a client info package. www.JusticeSchanfarber.com

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Conflict Resolution for Couples – Campbell River Workshop

Conflict Resolution for Couples - Campbell River Workshop

When: September 17, 1-4pm.
Where: Ocean Mountain Yoga Studio1121 Cedar Street (Above Healthy Way Foods, Campbell River, BC)
Cost: $49/person.

To register: https://clients.mindbodyonline.com/classic/home?studioid=43100.
Or call Ocean Mountain Yoga at (250) 914-5435.

Relationship conflict is frustrating and painful, but it can also hold the key to its own transformation if we recognize what it is asking of us.

In this 3-hour workshop we will explore refreshing new perspectives on couples’ conflict and the growth opportunities it holds.

Join us and discover –

~ Why relationship conflict persists despite our best efforts
~ How to identify and effectively address the two primary types of conflict
~ The invisible underlying conditions that feed conflict
~ Tools for getting out of our conflict “loops” or patterns

About the presenter –
Justice Schanfarber is a Certified Hakomi Therapist and educator specializing in marriage, sex, and relationships. Author of The Re-connection Handbook for Couples, Justice’s writing has been read in over two hundred countries and translated into six languages. For this workshop Justice distills insights from his clinical experience helping client couples all over the world navigate marriage difficulties and relationship conflict. www.JusticeSchanfarber.com

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Poetry writing workshop with Justice Schanfarber in Campbell River

I’m happy to be partnering with the Campbell River Arts Council to present this poetry writing workshop –

“Beauty and trouble find you – A simple poetry writing workshop for complex people”

When: Saturday, April 16, Noon-4pm
Where: Sybil Andrews Cottage, 2131 South Island Highway in Willow Point (click for map)
Cost: $40
Registration: Call the Arts Council at 250-923-0213 to register.

Poetry penetrates surfaces and engages a deeper part of us. We each have a poetic voice, and if we are called to use it we will find ourselves gazing into the essential nature of experiences, people and things. The writing of poems is a kind of reporting on what we find. It is a gift to the writer and to the reader, and it is something we can all do.

The focus of this workshop will be less on form, and more about uncovering the essence of what we see or feel, and giving it a voice. This workshop is especially for beginner poets, but all are welcome.

Justice Schanfarber is a mindfulness based therapist, writer, educator and poet who believes that the poetic mind is a source of wisdom, humour and healing. He has self-published two poetry chapbooks since 2012. Read his work at www.wonderstruckpoems.com.

Campbell River Counselling - Justice Schanfarber - Hakomi

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Anxiety relief – A mindfulness based approach (8-week group program)

Anxiety relief – A mindfulness based approach
8-week group program

When: Sundays 6-8pm
Jan 10 – Mar 6
(No session Feb 14)

Where: Flow Yoga Studio
58 Adams Rd, Campbell River BC

Cost: $340 ($290 if you register before Dec 16)

To register: Call 250-204-3301 or come in to the studio.

Invite your friends on facebook > https://www.facebook.com/events/952211908182199/

Anxiety relief - A mindfulness based approach 8-week group program

The life of a human being is an anxiety producing endeavour. In one form or another anxiety is always impacting our relationships, our family life, our health and our overall happiness. And yet most people understand very little about anxiety and how to manage it.

In this 8-week program we will –

~ practice mindfulness based tools for managing anxiety as it arises
~ examine the causes and impact of anxiety in our lives and relationships
~ explore the meaning that anxiety might hold for you

Sessions will combine lecture, group discussion, exercises and real-time coaching.

About the facilitator –
Justice Schanfarber is a mindfulness based counsellor and Certified Hakomi Therapist helping individuals and couples in Campbell River BC and worldwide by telephone and skype. www.JusticeSchanfarber.com email: justice@justiceschanfarber.com

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Mindful Marriage – Self awareness tools for happier relationships (Workshop)

Mindful Marriage workshop Justice Schanfarber OMY Jan 16, 2016

Mindful Marriage –
Self awareness tools for happier relationships

Where: Ocean Mountain Yoga
1121 Cedar Street (Second floor)
Campbell River, BC

When: January 16, 2016
1pm – 4pm

Cost: $69

To register: Call 250 914-5435 or email tamaratutt@gmail.com

Marriage and relationships can be full of contradiction and confusion even as they offer hopefulness and joy. Being fully present through all these experiences is perhaps both our hardest task and our greatest reward on the journey.

In this 3-hour workshop we will explore –

~ Supporting your partner without betraying yourself
~ How to communicate for connection and clarity
~ Finding your way through patterns of conflict
~ Paths to intimacy, pleasure and desire

This workshop is for individuals and couples of all genders and orientations.

About the presenter –
Justice Schanfarber is a mindfulness based counsellor and Certified Hakomi Therapist helping individuals and couples in Campbell River BC, and worldwide by telephone and skype. www.JusticeSchanfarber.com

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Campbell River Counselling Justice Schanfarber HakomiI provide individual counselling, marriage counselling, coaching and mentoring to individuals and couples. Sessions in-person or by telephone/skype worldwide. Email justice@justiceschanfarber.com to request a client info package. www.JusticeSchanfarber.comLike Justice Schanfarber on Facebook

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Anxiety relief – A mindfulness based approach (Workshop October 14, 2015)

WHAT: Anxiety relief – A mindfulness based approach (workshop)
WHEN: 6-9pm pm Oct 14, 2015
WHERE: Flow Yoga Studio – 58 Adams rd. Willow Point, Campbell River
COST: $69 + tax
INFO: 778 996-3821 (Presenter) To reserve your spot call Flow Yoga 250 204-3301

Anxiety relief mindfulness workshop

The life of a human being is an anxiety producing endeavour. In one form or another anxiety is always impacting our relationships, our family life, our health and our overall happiness. And yet most people understand very little about anxiety and how to manage it.

In this 3-hour workshop you will learn –

* what anxiety really is, and how it invisibly runs our lives and relationships
* mindfulness based tools for managing anxiety as it arises
* how to use “anxiety awareness” as a tool for resolving conflict in ourselves and with others

Justice will be sharing the model of mindfulness based anxiety management that he uses with clients worldwide.

About the presenter –
Justice Schanfarber is a mindfulness based counsellor and Certified Hakomi Therapist helping individuals and couples in-person in Campbell River BC, and worldwide via phone/skype. www.JusticeSchanfarber.com

Cost: $69 +tax.
To reserve your space: Call Flow Yoga Studio (250) 204-3301.

Speak up! Dirty Talk for Sexy Fun (Free seminar at Art of Loving – Vancouver)

Art of loving dirty talk seminarWHAT: Speak up! Dirty Talk for Sexy Fun (Free seminar)
WHEN: 7:30 pm March 19, 2015
WHERE: Art of Loving  1819 West Fifth Ave, Vancouver, BC
COST: FREE (but you need to register)
INFO: 604 742-9988 (Art of Loving) 778 996-3821 (Presenter) or go to the registration link > http://www.artofloving.ca/seminars/seminar-topics/speak-dirty-talk-sexy-fun-0

 

Dirty talk deepens our sexual experience. It increases erotic pleasure and builds connection and intimacy between partners. There’s a dirty talk style for all personality types and sexual occasions. This seminar is for everyone who wants to find their dirty voice and start speaking up during sex. You’ll learn different types of dirty talk, explore some of the benefits (you might be surprised), and get an opportunity to experiment and practice in a healthy, supportive, fun environment. Sexually explicit language guaranteed! For singles, couples etc.

It’s free, but you need to register here > http://www.artofloving.ca/seminars/seminar-topics/speak-dirty-talk-sexy-fun-0

View the facebook event page here > https://www.facebook.com/events/1411996389101768/

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Hakomi Workshop at Ocean Mountain Yoga Feb 28, 2015

Campbell River Hakomi counselling workshop Feb 28 2015What: Hakomi Workshop
When: 12 noon – 2pm, February 28, 2015
Where: Ocean Mountain Yoga, Campbell River
REGISTER HERE: Hakomi Workshop at Ocean Mountain Yoga – Registration Page

Assisted Self Inquiry:
An introduction to the Hakomi Method

Hakomi is a mindfulness based, body centred modality favoured by counsellors and therapists who value a holistic approach to healing. Rooted in principles of non-violence, organicity and mind-body integration, a Hakomi session has the therapist acting as a collaborator and guide, gently helping the client deepen into their present-moment experience where insights and resources can naturally emerge.

This is a rare opportunity to witness a full length one-on-one Hakomi session. A volunteer will be selected in advance to be in the client role. Participant observers will get an introduction to the method before the session and will have an opportunity to debrief and get their questions answered afterward.

This event will be especially valuable for those facing life challenges of their own, for wellness professionals interested in the method, and for anyone curious about using mindfulness therapeutically or for their own insight, healing and growth.

Note – If you’re interested in being in the client role for the demonstration please contact the presenter using the contact information below. Many people have the found the experience of doing a session in front of a supportive group to be very gratifying. There’s no cost to the client volunteer.

Justice Schanfarber, CHT
Phone 778 996-3821
Email justice@justiceschanfarber.com

REGISTER HERE: Hakomi Workshop at Ocean Mountain Yoga – Registration Page

To view the workshop handout click here or on the image below – Justice Schanfarber Counselling – Ocean Mountain Yoga Hakomi workshop handout (.pdf)

Justice Schanfarber Counselling - Campbell River Hakomi handout

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