Many of us, at some level, believe our sexual desires are unacceptable or “bad,” so we try, sometimes for years, to ignore or banish this undeniable aspect of ourselves. But cutting off parts of ourselves has a cost. Disowning our desires can make us angry, depressed, confused, and anxious. It hurts our relationships and can lead us into substance abuse and other destructive behaviour.
We are here on Earth to have sex. Our bodies and psyches are made for it. Sex holds great power and transformative potential in our lives, but we still live under a collective shadow of denial, confusion, and shame.
By the time we’re adults most of us are familiar with the basic mechanics of sex, and we’ve certainly been taught about the dangers, if not experienced them firsthand. And while we’re titillated with porn and glossy images of sex in various media forms, there are precious few opportunities for speaking openly and honestly about sexual desire and the real value of sexual pleasure.
It’s common for the erotic connection between spouses to drop off at various points in the relationship. This can be both a result of and a cause of much frustration and resentment. Many counsellors and therapists work under the assumption that secure attachment, compassionate communication, and empathy in a relationship will naturally lead to sexual satisfaction and compatibility. I find that the opposite is just as often true: The qualities that make for a good, secure relationship or marriage can actually work against a couple’s sex life. For this reason, in my work with couples and individuals, I approach sex specifically, on its own terms, rather than lumping it in with general relationship issues.
I’m comfortable talking explicitly about sex, and I provide a safe, encouraging and sex-positive environment where you can explore your sexual desires, heal sexual wounds, grow intimacy, and awaken your authentic sexuality – as an individual or as a couple in relationship. Clients tell me they appreciate my clear sexual language and my ability to normalize all sorts of sexual desires and experiences.
I’m friendly to Kink/BDSM, LGBTQ, Polyamory, alternative relationships and lifestyles, cultural and sexual diversity.
Sex therapy and intimacy coaching can help with:
- Bridging the sexual gap after children
- Communicating about sex
- Getting needs met
- Expanding your sexual repertoire
- Building eroticism and desire
- Increasing sexual pleasure
- Working through sexual shame, trauma or fear
- Orgasm issues
- Sexual identity
- Youth sexuality
- Advanced training and mentoring
Sex therapy, sex and intimacy resources:
Passionate Marriage (book)
To schedule an appointment or learn more about sex therapy and intimacy coaching:
Justice Schanfarber, CHT
Mindfulness Based Counselling Services
Serving Campbell River and North Vancouver Island
Phone 778 996-3821 (Your initial telephone consultation is free of charge)