Justice Schanfarber Counselling

I teach Homecoming.

Homecoming means coming to the embodied realization that you are that which you seek, that you are your own source of satisfaction, and that you are your own channel through which the fulfillment of your heart’s deepest desires must flow.

All of life is a journey toward this Homecoming realization. Relationship, career, family, even illness and death point you in this direction.

From here, success becomes more sweet. Satisfaction abounds. Clarity comes easily. Doubt lifts. Changes and transitions are no longer struggles, but rather welcome signs of personal growth and conscious evolution. You befriend yourself completely, without reservation, and you become a match for joyful experiences at every turn. Through your insight and your connection to self, including your deepest desires, you become an intentional creator of your life experience from the inside-out and a cooperative element in the creation of all you wish to see in the world. And it all flows easily.

Unconditional Satisfaction, Unconditional Wellbeing

In Homecoming, you realize that the conditions you have placed upon all of the emotional rewards you seek are unnecessary; self-constructed and self-perpetuated obstacles to your unconditional satisfaction and wellbeing.

You wanted to feel successful, but you placed conditions upon your allowing of your experience of success.

You wanted to feel purposeful, but you placed conditions upon your allowing of your experience of purposefulness.

You wanted to feel love, belonging, connection, joy, excitement, peace, ease, confidence, stability, and a whole lot more positive feeling experiences, but you put conditions in the way. You insisted upon the accomplishment of certain external benchmarks before you allowed yourself the emotional rewards you wanted most.

Everything You Want Has Two Forms: Physical and Emotional

In Homecoming, you see the direct path to all that you wish to experience. You see that everything you want in life is simultaneously taking two forms: physical and emotional. And you realize that you’ve been going about finding satisfaction the hard way. You’ve been insisting upon the physical manifestation of what you want before you enjoy the emotional reward that you believe it will bring.

You believed that you had to shape and control your external conditions so that they delivered the success or love or joy or freedom or ease you wanted. But through Homecoming, you discover it works the other way around too, and it brings you the reward you seek far more easily, with no downside.

By recognizing your self, your inner essence, as the source of all that you desire, and becoming a conscious expression of this knowledge, you befriend yourself, and life, at the deepest level, and you become an emotional and energetic match for your deepest desires. Because you recognize your self as the source of the essence of that which you want, and because you delight in this recognition, the manifestations of your desires flow toward you. First you create the emotional environment within, and then the physical evidence, the conditions, the “proof” follow.

But before you are ready for your Homecoming, you will embark upon a series of Impossible Tasks. You will necessarily fail to accomplish these tasks, and it is through the discomfort and disillusionment that come with these “failures” that you will prepare yourself for your Homecoming experience.

A Series of Impossible Tasks

These Impossible Tasks take various forms, but they will always be related to a perceived emotional reward, a hope for some ultimately satisfying accomplishment. If you look closely, you will always see your heart’s deepest desire within every Impossible Task you embark upon.

For example, many people find themselves in the Impossible Task of trying to negotiate, demand, or earn love from a spouse or partner. (This, by the way, was my path, and it led me to a career in couples counselling). But this can never work because love is your essence. It is already there in you waiting to be discovered by you. It can not be satisfactorily negotiated, demanded, or earned from another. Certainly it can be shared and expressed with another, but first you must come to know it as your essence.

Disillusionment Leading to Discovery and Allowing

This is how the Homecoming journey works: You become disillusioned by failing to obtain something from outside of you, and in your disillusionment you may soften enough to discover the essence of the thing within you. For some people the disillusionment must be very strong, or repeated many times before there is an allowing of this insight.

Here’s another example…

Many people are trying to prove their worthiness through performance, accomplishment, or association in a career, a business, a social cause, a community, or even a family. This is ultimately an Impossible Task because worthiness is your essence. You were born worthy. You came into the world worthy, and you will leave it worthy. Worthiness is impossible to prove, but it is very possible to experience directly from within. You can’t be trying to prove worthiness and enjoying your intrinsic worthiness at the same time, and so you are either in the Impossible Task, or you have had your Homecoming experience.

Once you fail often enough or deeply enough at attempting to prove your worth, you might finally open yourself up to the joy and satisfaction of experiencing your own intrinsic worthiness from the inside-out.

By perfect design, once your inner Homecoming is established you become far more effective and valuable in your career or business, in your community and family, and in whatever pursuits or causes you choose to be a part of out in the world.

Inner Satisfaction, Outer Satisfaction

When bound up in the Impossible Task mode, you seek satisfaction from your outer, objective world. The Homecoming experience eventually initiates you into the deeper satisfactions of your inner, subjective world. But there is actually no inherent tension, predicament, or dilemma between inner and outer. Once Homecoming is experienced, these two facets of your life experience can be blended beautifully. Life becomes far more full, rich, and satisfying, both inwardly and outwardly, if you understand how to harmonize the two.

The Homecoming experience is the most powerful factor in fulfilling your heart’s deepest desires, for yourself and for everyone and everything that you care about.

Once you experience yourself as the source of love, joy, worthiness, satisfaction, belonging, and whatever else it is you are wanting, you become a conduit for all of that which you value.

Everything that matters most to you is, at some level, already present, already yours. Your job is to make yourself an emotional match to what you want so that it can flow more fully into your experience. Once you realize this, life gets really fun, really abundant, inherently purposeful, and immensely satisfying.

The Greatest Discovery

All of the Impossible Tasks that you pursue, trying to obtain what is already yours, will take you on great adventures, and will, over time, serve to hone your desire for the greatest satisfaction of all… recognizing the source in you. All of these Impossible Tasks are necessary to prepare you, incrementally, for the greatest discovery of your life. But this is only the beginning.

Once you begin to live as an actual expression of this knowledge, once you make a habit of feeling yourself as love, as worthy, as belonging, as the direct source of, and to, your heart’s deepest desires, you will have a tremendous amount of fresh time and energy on your hands!

What will you do with all this time and energy that you have freed up for yourself?

You no longer have to earn love, prove worthiness, find your purpose or any of the rest of it. You have it. It’s you.

Self as Giver and Receiver

The Homecoming experience brings the recognition of self as both giver and receiver, desire and fulfillment. The gap is bridged. The distance between wanting and having becomes infinitesimal. Life is no longer about struggle, instead it becomes a steady stream of discovery and satisfaction. Surviving gives way to thriving in real, tangible ways.

You get to choose how you will occupy yourself based upon what you want to experience next. With no urgency, no feeling of scarcity, no gripping in your chest, no doubt about your basic goodness or wellbeing, a lot of choices open up to you.

Can you imagine this for yourself? The fun, the freedom, the ease, the peace, the excitement… Are you living this way yet? Are you living as the full expression of who you really are?

Everything I teach I have successfully applied in my own life, with great benefit. You can hear more about this in some of the conversations I have with my partner in my R3 Relationship Masterclass. Listen to a sample here.

My hope for you, and my invitation, is that you start making your desires a reality by recognizing within yourself the essence of all of that which you want most. Your desire is so good, so natural. Befriending your desire is key to your Homecoming. Find a way to feel great about wanting what you want, and begin to recognize that you can give it to yourself in emotional form right now, unconditionally.

Even if you what you want is something physical like a nice car or a fun pet or a special person in your life or a beautiful house… Find the emotional reward that the thing signifies, and give yourself that right away, before you have the thing. I call it making yourself an emotional match for what you want. It takes some practice, but it really isn’t that complicated or difficult once you fully grasp the principle.

I mentor and coach individuals and couples who want to experience their own Homecoming in the way I’ve described here, both for the emotional reward (which is actually greater than most people initially realize), and for the correlated physical rewards that we all rightly want as well.

Sessions are by telephone, and they are fun and easy. We will have a series of illuminating and satisfying conversations that will leave you feeling clarity and optimism.

I work with all kinds of people worldwide. I’ve helped clients in the financial sectors, tech executives, blue collar business owners, young families, retirees, and people from just about every walk of life that you can imagine, all who have one thing in common: They want to fulfill their heart’s deepest desire, and they’re willing to make themselves an emotional match for all that they want.

Request a client information package by email if you are interested in learning more. Please include your country of residence in your email. justice@justiceschanfarber.com

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“Justice really is an expert and can pinpoint issues almost immediately. I was ready to leave my husband, feeling angry, bitter and ready for change even at the cost of giving up the family. Talking with Justice gave me clarity to see my situation for what it was; to explore my own private emotions more thoroughly and to explore the beauty of relationship with another. He gives excellent tools and ideas to help manage difficult situations that undoubtedly arise in a marriage. ” ~ Kelsie Wilber, USA

“We’ve seen five local counsellors in the past five years. I’d given up on ever being understood or loved the way I need. I was skeptical about working on the phone, but we learned more about ourselves and made more progress in our first three sessions with you than with all the previous counsellors combined. I know there are no guarantees, but it feels good to have hope again. I’m optimistic about my marriage for the first time in years.” ~ JM, Canada

“My partner and I have both grown in amazing ways over this past 6 months, and we find ourselves coming out of this growth stage still deeply attracted to the things that attracted us to one another 5 years ago. I have learned that as challenging as growth may be, it can be seen as a great gift. I could not have done this without your counseling and guidance. I am deeply grateful.” ~ Mark, USA

“The most powerful part of working with Justice is how he is right there in the trenches with you, really feeling through it with you, literally. I felt as though he was gently holding my heart in his hands, feeling everything I felt. Also, I found working over the phone to be surprisingly advantageous. I was able to maintain the physical privacy and comfort of working from my own home.” ~ Monica, USA

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