Many of us, at some level, believe our sexual desires are unacceptable or “bad,” so we try, sometimes for years, to ignore or banish this undeniable aspect of ourselves. But cutting off parts of ourselves has a cost. Disowning our desires can make us angry, depressed, confused, and anxious. It hurts our relationships and can lead us into substance abuse and other destructive behaviour.
On the other hand, many of us at some time in our life find ourselves with low or absent sexual desire, and this can cause confusion and trouble both personally and in our marriage or relationship.
Sex holds great power and transformative potential in our lives, but we still live under a collective shadow of sexual denial, confusion, hurt, and shame. By the time we’re adults most of us are familiar with the basic mechanics of sex, and we’ve certainly been taught about the dangers, if not experienced them firsthand. And while we’re titillated with porn and glossy images of sex in various media forms, there are precious few opportunities for speaking openly and honestly about sex, about sexual desire and pleasure, sexual fear and wounding, and the many sexual dilemmas that trouble us throughout our lives and relationships.
It’s common for the erotic spark or intimate connection (and yes, these are two distinct things) between spouses to drop off at various points in the relationship. This can be both a result of and a cause of much frustration and resentment. Many counsellors and therapists work under the assumption that secure attachment, compassionate communication, and empathy in a relationship will naturally lead to sexual satisfaction and compatibility. I find that the opposite is just as often true: The qualities that make for a good, secure relationship or marriage can actually work against a couple’s sex life. For this reason, in my work with couples and individuals, I approach sex specifically, on its own terms, rather than lumping it in with general relationship issues.
I’m comfortable talking explicitly about sex, and I provide a safe, encouraging and sex-positive environment where you can explore your sexual desires, address sexual wounds, and awaken your authentic sexuality – as an individual or as a couple in relationship. Clients tell me they appreciate my clear sexual language and my ability to normalize all sorts of sexual desires and experiences.
I’m friendly to Kink/BDSM, LGBTQ, Polyamory, alternative relationships and lifestyles, cultural and sexual diversity.
Sex therapy and intimacy coaching can help with:
- Bridging the sexual gap after children
- Communicating about sex
- Getting needs met
- Expanding your sexual repertoire
- Building eroticism and desire
- Increasing sexual pleasure
- Working through sexual shame, trauma or fear
- Orgasm issues
- Sexual identity
- Youth sexuality
Advanced sexuality training and mentoring is also available for individuals and couples who are called to take their sexuality deeper.
Sex and intimacy resources:
To schedule an appointment or learn more about sex therapy and intimacy coaching:
Justice Schanfarber, CHT
Phone 778 996-3821
Telephone and Skype sessions worldwide.