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The “no-come quickie” – Sexual fuel for your relationship?

The no-come quickie... Fuel for a relationship?A woman colleague confided to me that three or four times a week she propositions her man with a casual, “Want to fuck me for a few minutes?” Apparently he’s very likely to drop what he’s doing and oblige.

I asked the woman (we’ll call her Linda) what she gets from these brief encounters with her partner. I was curious in a general way (because that’s my nature), but more specifically I was curious because of my belief, both personal and professional, that women tend not to be big fans of “quickie” sex.

Linda was happy to enlighten me –

“When I was younger I resented the quickie. The guy would get off, roll over and snore or whatever, and I was left there feeling like a chump. But these days it’s different. It’s changed.”

What is different? What has changed, I wanted to know.

It turns out quite a few things have changed. For starters, Linda’s partner rarely ejaculates during these impromptu sessions, and that makes a big difference for Linda.

“He has control over his ejaculation. Most of the times we have sex he doesn’t come, and he almost never comes during one of our quickies.”

Linda informed me that she usually doesn’t orgasm either during these short, spontaneous interludes, which had me curious again… If there are no orgasms, what does this couple get from this? Again Linda was quick to explain –

“I like sex. I like all kinds of sex. Our no-come quickies energize us both and make us feel connected. They’re a way to build up our sexual energy, and because there’s no release, that sexual energy is with us all day. Our quickies don’t replace the deeper, more intimate and creative sex that we also enjoy; they complement it. Our little fuck sessions are like foreplay for life.”

No-come quickies take about ten minutes out of the couple’s day. There are no orgasms, no loss of sexual energy, and so that energy gets carried forward, bringing an extra spark into the day.

Says Linda –

“It’s easy and energizing. There’s no cost, nothing lost… It makes us feel close and connected, it builds our sexual attraction and desire… Why doesn’t everyone do it?”

I considered Linda’s question. No-come quickies… why doesn’t everyone do it? I can actually think of many reasons why everyone doesn’t do it. It’s simply not going to be appealing to everyone, for many good reasons. But then again, it’s also a great reminder of what’s possible when we continue to embrace our sexuality within a long-term domestic relationship.

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Campbell River Marriage Counselling Justice Schanfarber Trying to grow, fix, change, understand or save your marriage? I provide couples therapy, marriage counselling, coaching and mentoring to individuals and couples on the issues that make or break relationships – Sessions by telephone/skype worldwide. Email to request a client info package.

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